38-year-old husband demands a divorce from his 34-year-old wife, changes his mind when he loses his job: 'Now he's going around saying I am a gold digger, leaving as soon as he loses his job'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 24, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

There's an incredibly nefarious notion spreading through the manosphere right now about men in their 40s and dating. The idea goes like this: if you're a young guy, you shouldn't worry about dating. You should only worry about your career because, unlike women, you will still be valuable on the dating marketplace when you're 40. If you have enough money, you will be able to bag a 21-year-old when you're 40, even if you have no previous dating history whatsoever. 

Anyone who has spent a second in the real world knows that this is utter nonsense. Incel posters think that young women only care about money and status, but that is patently untrue. I didn't know any 21-year-olds in college who wanted to be with a much older man. A 40-year-old who has never been with anyone and a 21-year-old hot girl sound like the protagonists of a mid-2000s comedy movie more than an actual couple. If you actually believe this kind of dating arrangement works, you must have the biggest ego in the world, or you're foolish. The incel theory of women always dating up is patently untrue, and you would know that if you had a social life where you knew any couple in real life. 

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  • Cheezburger Image 10545676032
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The man in this story thinks he's hot stuff. He believes that if he leaves his wife, there will be a million women who are interested in him. Who's gonna tell him that's baloney?

  • My husband wanted a divorce, until he lost his job...Am I the bad guy for following through with filing?

    My husband 34 male and 1 38 | female have been married for 6 years together for 9. We have had our ups and downs but the biggest down is how he speaks to me. I just had our son 1 year ago. When I was 10 months postpartum he was telling ne I am fat and lazy and all I do is take care of the baby and work. As I
    via u/Upset-Quit6038
  • still had baby weight on navigating new routines, work and caring for our baby AND 4 other children while working 40hrs a week. On my birthday he demanded I not leave the house or he would divorce me. Just so happened my daughter had an appointment at UCLA for her teeth the morning of my birthday, so I took her. Needless to say he
    via u/Upset-Quit6038
  • Front view of cheerful smiling African female dentist looking at camera and little red-haired girl sitting in the dentist's chair
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • didnt even say hello to me and slept in his game room. He has been sleeping there since. Its been 2 months. He told everyone he was divorcing me, spoke to an attorney and everything before even telling me he wanted a divorce. He told me I was not the prize, im almost 40 and have 4 kids 3 who are minors. He said
    via u/Upset-Quit6038
  • Brown wooden billiard table on gray carpet in a game room
    via Brian Wangenheim

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • hes the prize, hes in his prime and makes good money and any women would love to be in my shoes and take care of his kids. He even went as far as inviting his baby mother into the house to visit while I was out.
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  • Fast forward he looses his job and telling me to wait to move. He then starts talking nicer to me and acting different then before. I told him I was still moving out and going forward with seperating because his actions did not align with someone who wanted to be with me. It feels
    via u/Upset-Quit6038
  • more like im his only option at the moment. Now hes going around saying I am a gold digger and leave as soon as he looses his job. Hes saying he wanted to try to make it work but I am the one choosing to leave to all his family and friends.
    via u/Upset-Quit6038
  • So am I the a h_le for following through with what he initiated even after he lost his job?
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  • miyuki_m He's realizing that nobody wants an unemployed who verbally abuses his postpartum wife. Leave him and focus on creating a healthy life for yourself and your kids without his toxic behavior dragging you down.
    via u/miyuki_m
  • Friendly Owl19 Exactlyy, he's just trying to save face now. She's already been through so much postpartum, a new baby, four kids, work and his verbal abe isn't acceptable. Leaving him is the right move for her and the kids.
    via u/Friendly_Owl19
  • Mystical_Creator85 Sounds like he's only acting nice because it's convenient. After how he treated her, stepping away is the right call for her and the kids' sake.
    via u/Mystical_Creator85
  • Playful_Fawn24 Absolutely. She's already dealt with so much and his sudden change doesn't make up for all the hurt.
    via u/Playful_Fawn24
  • Moondiscbeam Thr audacity of him saying that their kids are HER kids and not OUR kids.
    via u/Moondiscbeam
  • sharshenka She calls the baby "ours" and the daughter with the dentist appointment "my", so it sounds like some of the kids were from a previous relationship.
    via u/sharshenka
  • LordAdversarius She also said he invited his "baby mother" into the house so does that mean some of the kids are just his as well? Its hard to follow.
    via u/LordAdversarius
  • 2dogslife Yeah, it's clear as mud which of the 4 are his and which are hers. There are 5 altogether and the baby is theirs. She should absolutely get in touch with a lawyer of her own and get advice about leaving, getting finances separated, and one of them moving. I suppose it would depend on whether they lease, if they both signed, or if it's a co-owned house. If it's a co-owned house, sometimes you have to sk it up until you can force a sale or buyout - as he's sleeping in the game room, at l
    via u/2dogslife
  • Ilampie Oh, he's spinning right now... He built up an idea in his head where he was the be all and end all and just found out that he's just lucky. Now that he knows what he's actually worth, he wants to hold onto you, as you are better than him on his own.
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  • So narcissistic. Wow, naa, you're good, nta. Just remember to tell everyone what a gold digger he is and that he only wants you for security and money on your way out. 100% nta, leave useless behind.
    via u/Ilampie
  • AZCAExpat2024 He's been online reading manosphere misogyny.
    via u/AZCAExpat2024
  • LastAqua Wait...he bought his side piece to your house. Omg girl. You are NTA, unless you stay with this class A clown. Lawyer up and get what's yours.
    via u/LastAqua
  • Rad1 Red So he's still badmouthing you and being an a_h_le.
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  • Expensive-Choice8240 Exactly. Losing his job didn't change who he is, it just changed how convenient it was to keep you around. You're doing what's best for you.
    via u/Expensive-Choice8240
  • Ok_Mycologist_1320 You're not wrong for leaving, he only changed when he lost what he had. That's not love, that's survival, and you deserve more.
    via u/Ok_Mycologist_1320

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toxic relationships divorced married couple wife married life marriage-drama parenting husband dad divorce married with kids mom unemployed toxic relationship
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